Counterfactual Thinking

Sometimes the way we view life seems to be determined not by what really happens to us, so much as by our perception of what happens. This is sometimes called counterfactual thinking. Let's look at the example of sport. For those who come second in race, their closeness to winning creates an intense feeling of satisfaction, and they need to find an excuse for their 'failure'. Conversely, bronze medalists often feel lucky because they nearly didn't win anything at all. It's the same feeling you get when a traffic leads you to miss a flight. Missing it by an hour is much less frustrating than missing it by just a few minutes.

Another type of counterfactual thinking occurs when we regret doing things that cause problems far more than we regret doing nothing; even though inactivity can lead to just as many problems as unwise actions.
Counterfactual thinking also happens when we think about the past and wish something had or had not happened. This desire can be so powerful that we can even change our own memories of the past, making adjustments to the factual facts to create new memories that suit us better. We do this, for example, when we want to avoid facing up to uncomfortable truths.

If we're not careful, therefore, counterfactual thinking can lead us to rewrite history, and so lose sight of real events altogether.

The Positives and Negatives of Birth Order

First-borns are natural leader and often high achievers. The majority of politicians, spokesperson and managing are first-borns. They often come into two flavours :compliant nurtures and caregivers or aggressive movers and shakers. Both are in control; they just use different methods. As a rule, first-borns are picky, precise people who tend to be punctual, organised and competent. The negatives are that they are often moody and occasionally lack sensitivity. They can be intimidating, particularly by pushing people too hard or refusing to take no for an answer. Sometimes they can be a bit 'know-it-all', and often they are poor at delegating, largely because they don't trust other people as they much as they trust themselves. They also tend to be bossy, perfectionists and overly conscientious.
Last-borns are the world's cheerleaders. They have strong people skills and love to entertain and talk to others. They make friends easily and immediately make others feel at home. They're extroverts, energised by the presence of other people and probably not afraid to take risks. However, last-borns tend to get bored quickly. They have a strong fear of rejection and a short attention span. When the fun stops, they've had enough and wat to check-out. To some extend, they're self-centred. They may harbour unrealistic expectations of finding a relationship that is always fun-and,of course, such relationships simply do not last.

Why do we fall in love?

Everyone does it at one time or another, but why? We're talking about falling in love. Professor Arthur Aron from State University of New York at Storybrook has been exploring the dynamics of what exactly happens when two people are falling in love.
He claims that our primary motivation as human beings is to expand the self and to increase our abilities and our effectiveness. One of the ways we accomplish this is through our relationships with other people. He says, 'We have learned in our research that it is important to feel that you have the ability to be an effective person, especially in relationships.'
But how does this theory of self-expansion explain the process of falling in love? Usually we fall in love with a person who we not only find attractive and appropriate for us but is also someone who demonstrates that they are attracted to us. According to Professor Aron, this creates a situation with great scope for self-expansion. The fact that they are attracted to us offers a significant opportunity - when we perceive this, we feel a surge of exhilaration!
However, his studies show that it doesn't always work this way. An interesting exception to this occurs if we feel badly about ourselves. The process gets thrown off if we can't believe another person is interested in us-like the Groucho Marx joke where we don't want to belong to a club that would have us for a member. We tend to miss out on opportunities for falling in love if we don't feel good about ourselves.
Professor Aron has also managed to define the conditions which are best for meeting someone and falling in love. He claims that when you meet someone under conditions that are highly arousing-a political demonstration, turbulence on a plane, a stimulating performance-a time when the body stirred up and excited, we tend to experience attraction at a heightened level. This effect is well documented, but the explanations for it are very controversial. Professor Aron believes that we come to associate the arousal of the situation with this person and our own self-expansion.

It's also interesting to look at when people fall in love. How long do you have to have known someone before you realise you are in love with them?
'Contrary to what most people think, the statistics show that most people fall in love with  someone that they have known for a while. People only report falling in love quickly about 30-40% of the time.' says Professor Aron. he also points out that this varies from culture to culture-falling in love happens differently between cultures, but it does occur in most cultures.
I think the most of us think that our appearance must factor into the equation of falling in love. Professor Aron says,'This is interesting. We have found that if your unattractive, it can hurt you a lot in forming romantic relationships. However, being attractive doesn't help that much.' The professor has found that two important characteristics, kindness and intelligence, are vital to the process of falling in love. And attractiveness is not connected to these things. These two attributes are things that people learn about someone from knowing them over time. Intelligence is critical in all aspects of life, especially in love. But kindness is the strongest indicator for a successful long-term relationship.
Other research confirms what we all know-that love can make you mad or sad. Some people suffer from a form of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder when they are in love, which means that they are, for example, constantly checking things. At the same time, this disorder can also make you depressed as it affects serotonin levels in the brain. Levels can drop so low that they trigger anxiety and depression. But it doesn't last for ever-after a year levels usually return to normal. It may be that we need this chemical response for relationships to survive as some have suggested that you have to be mad to fall in love!

Time Management

Julie Morganstern's book entitled Time Management from the Inside Out aims to help people organise their time better. Julie says that getting organised is a completely 'learnable' skill. One common reason she has identified for people not getting things done, be it tasks at work, study objectives, or things they hope to achieve in their free time, is that they don't set aside a specific time in which to do these things.

In other words, they're always trying to fit new activities into an already full schedule, or allowing themselves to be distracted by things other than the task in hand. What's more, because they underestimate how long tasks are actually going to take, such people are always running behind schedule, and always having to apologise for not meeting deadlines.

To avoid this, Julie suggests making a list of 'must do' tasks and putting a time estimate next to each. This will allow a direct comparison to be made between time spent on each task and how long you originally thought it would take you. In no time at all, you'll be able to make an expert judgement about how long activities really take, allowing you to be more realistic about how much you set out to achieve in the first place.